Walking in my Shoes

What a u-turn

This year has definitely had its ups and downs but if it continues going the way its going it will certainly be ending on a high. In the past 10weeks i don’t think I’ve been as happy and for something to feel as right. Plenty of people told me things will get better and i can now say they were correct. I have so many things going right and im soo happy :)

Life is amazing right now and I can only thank one person for that

Tidy room, tidy mind.

Currently attempting to clear the chaos that has become my room and in some respects my life. I am trying to sort it, not just because it is a shit tip but also because there are a lot of memories in things and photos that just need to be put into a box and pushed to the back of my wardrobe; and mind. Whilst listening to the very appropriate Miss Avril Lavigne, I am desperately trying to make some sort of order in as short a time as possible so I can get into bed, cuddle my pillow and watch the IT crowd. Tomorrow is another day, and another step close to being what is deemed to be OK.

So less of this mindless blogging and more sorting :)

I still think about you.

I am well aware I currently have a lot to look forward to; holidays, festivals, gigs and nights out… But I just can’t help but still feel a bit down. I dunno if urma has anything to do with it this time but I’m not feeling great. I am also well aware I am ‘burning the candle at both ends’. I am working ridiculous 70ish hour weeks and still finding time to socialize, drink and party. I think I’m just filling the time I used to spend with him. When I am alone, such as now, my mind has a habit of wondering and wondering what if and what now. I guess the front I put on isn’t all that convincing really. I don’t know who I am trying to convince more that I’m ok, everyone else or me?

I’ll keep plodding on though cus I’m sure there is lots of light and excitment at the end of the tunnel. I still miss him though…

That awkward moment…

…when you tell the man you’ve been in love with for about 3years exactly how you feel and he said he doesn’t feel the same.

Yeah this happened to me just 2 long days ago. My boyfriend, the love of my life, told me he thinks we should split up.

What have I done in the past few days? Well not much other than cry I guess, and other than that I’m constantly checking my phone hoping he has text me to says he’s made a huge mistake and that this was just a minor blib. But no such luck so far….

This guy, I genuinely thought was the one, that we were meant to be together and would one day grow old together. And yet now the spark has gone, the flame extinguished and with it my hope of us rekindling is slowly slipping away. When he first told me he liked me I knocked him back and looking back I have had some amazing times with him and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I don’t want to cry anymore because I already feel numb. It’s like this isn’t actually happening and I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be as we were. I miss him, even just sitting next to him in the car but mostly cuddling him in bed and being kissed goodnight. I hope more than anything that he will change his mind and realise what I already know. But if he doesn’t all I can do is hope he’s happy :)

Do you remember…

Ok,

today’s not been a bad day. The average day at work really, nothing too much interesting there although a very much burnt out van was recovered into our yard, which made a pretty interesting story from a very loud man about how it had just started smoking and the fire brigade had to smash the back doors in order to put the fire out. TBH after seeing the charred remains, of what used to be a van, i’m guessing that guy was pretty lucky.

Simone and I decided we would go and see Alice in Leicester a few days ago and today was that day. Once work was over we rushed out the door, popped to the sunbeds for Simones addiction, took a detour to Dean’s to see the damage on his car (some douche had reversed into him) and off to Leicester we went.The journey was pretty funny, singing glee songs very loudly always seem to make time go faster. Once we arrived we headed off to Nandos, the standard eating place for a meeting, and queued for forever whilst i got increasingly frustrated by people pushing infront of us. There is a line for a reason!

Anyways, we sat down and after doing a bit more queuing to order food we enjoyed our meal. As ever whenever we all get together we have the standard catchup of exchanging gossip, stories, anecdotes and the like. My personal favourite was a story about a teacher being carried around the playground by about 30students during a ‘trust game’ pretty sure they wouldn’t do that again. We laughed nonstop for about 5mins, my sides hurt so much!

I’ve not long got back, the drive home always seems a lot quicker than the initial drive. I always enjoy driving in the dark, it’s so much more chilled and not much traffic, although the lights hurt my eyes.

It’s been a good day in all, catch up with the bestests, laughed a lot and it’s pay day tomorrow. Now i’ve just got to find my holiday for April… That the task for tomorrow, wish me luck.